Amazing Grace

Last night, Jenn and I went to see a movie called, Amazing Grace--the story of William Wilburforce, the British abolitionist in the late 1700's. The movie started with two strikes against it in my movie criteria: it is set in a Victorian context, and it is about Christians (not that I have a problem with Christians, but I've never been too impressed with movies about them--ask me about the "Distant Thunder" series sometime). In the end, I really enjoyed the film. It was definitely a movie about a Christian and his struggle to effect change in the world, but it was more about how this Christian lived than showing him explain his faith. The underlying theme is the song, Amazing Grace written by a priest who had once been a slave ship captain. I was most affected by the elements of the movie depicting a man (Wilburforce) who is consumed with passion for what he becomes convinced is his calling from God. For all the passion and conviction he feels about his calling, he also feels as if it is tearing him apart. He leaves the context of the politics of abolition to try and recouperate only to find that he cannot leave his calling behind. To abandon his call would be far worse than the toll it was taking on him to pursue it.


While I don't endorse burning ourselves out in whatever we are doing, I see in this story the truth that once the Christ-follower encounters God's direction and call on their lives there is no escaping it, as joyous, liberating, heart-wrenching, or discouraging as it may, at times, be. I like the idea of being so captured by Jesus that I can only continue on any path that leads toward him--anything else seems pointless. There is something about the certainty and clarity of the vision that Jesus offers that overshadows the toll life can take on us all.

Anyhow...good flick!

The Evolution of an Adventure...or Ulcer

Well, things have progressed rapidly in the last few weeks as far as our church goes. About a week ago, I had a conversation with the owner of Pickles Restaurant where he had decided he wanted to develop the half of the building we've been using on Sunday nights and lease it to us on a permanent basis--the down side was that he wanted about a thousand dollars more than our entire monthly income and we would be responsible for the construction. I wrestled with this for about three seconds since the thought of our own space and option for permanent signage on Main is really attractive. In the end, however, we decided against this option as it would stretch us so much financially and we would rather put that investment into people over a building (sort of a core concept at CTK).

Two days ago, I was sitting in Pickles (they call the back corner table my office) and the server told me that they were shutting down the restaurant on April 8th. Sure enough, all the Pickle mugs and t-shirts were on sale and they were preparing to lease the whole building to a breakfast buffet chain from Texas. This, of course, made the former offers obsolete and moved our time table forward drastically in terms of finding a new location. As it stands, we have reserved some meeting rooms in the community recreation center where we can meet on Sunday evenings. We intend to meet there as long as we need to until we can find a place that is more comfortable. The Rec Center is nice--don't get me wrong--in fact, they have a video screen in place as well as room set-up and tear down provided...for almost $40 cheaper a week. We are grateful for a place to meet and a little bummed about Pickles closing, but mostly looking forward to what God has in mind for us over the coming months.

Things to pray about are: making a smooth transition to the Rec Center (we've just started having a couple "walk-ins" on Sundays and don't want to miss out on that), possibly a different place for us to me more permanently that is as comfortable and accessible as Pickles has been, and the prospect of some cheap office space for Steve and I (since we could almost afford rent on all the food we have to pay for at coffee shops and restaurants during our "office time").

Spring Forward

We are now beginning to enter the early days of spring in Durango. This is a new experience for me--seasons. I am used to the difference between rain and no rain, hot days and cooler days, but this is amazing. All winter we've been waking up to fresh snow. I have had a great time working at the ski resort. It has been character building to be sure--dealing with thousands of people and learning to relate to my co-workers who's highest priority in life is where to get their next free drink or cheap pot. I have been able to have some great conversations with liftys (the guys who work the chair lifts) and my fellow ticket checkers. I hope I've been able to be a witness to the authenticity and grace I've come to expect from the people of God's kingdom. Now, however, I'm starting to look to spring. With the warmer weather and longer days, the whole town is buzzing. Everyone is making their plans for their next seasonal job. The concept of new beginnings and transition are not foreign to this place at all. It is exciting and it seems you have an inroad with every person you meet, "so, what are you doing for the summer?" I'm even starting to get calls from people wanting to book Hummer tours!

I think I could get used to this seasonal life--enjoying the season I am in while looking forward to the one to come. I'm curious about this spring and summer. I'm wondering what people God will bring to us and how he will equip us to care for them.

My prayers right now are focused mainly on people. It seems that recently every single family in our church has been going through some sort of crisis. These situations are not fun in any way, but they do have a way of bringing us together. There is also our house transition (selling this one and buying a cheaper one) and finances for the fall. I've been reading a book by Dallas Willard called, The Divine Conspiracy which is basically a book about the Sermon on the Mount. It has a lot to say about how to live in the Kingdom and the importance of making our requests known to God.

I am most grateful right now for all of you who have followed our journey and taken care of us from a distance. I have been inspired and humbled by every one of you who have kept up with us and prayed with us over the last year. You remind me of what it is like to relate to Jesus. It is a precious yet lopsided relationship. What you bring to our lives here, the ways in which you have supported and cared for us, I could never adequately reciprocate. Instead of this being a shameful deterrent to our relationship, however, it seems to endear you to me all the more. Steve, Jenn, and I are going to be in California the first weekend in May. We'll be sending out the details soon, but I have to say that this visit is one of the things I am most looking forward to this spring. I can't wait to come together with as many of you as possible and share what God has done in our lives and in Durango over the last year. Thank you all for your sacrifice and friendship.

Entering the Podcast World

http://web.mac.com/ctkdurango/iWeb/Site/Podcast/Podcast.html

So, we're trying something new at CTK Durango--podcasting. For those of you unfamiliar with the podcast, it is basically a recording posted on the internet. Last night, we started recording the teaching from our worship service to podcast weekly. There are a couple reasons for this leap in technology: one is that we have a couple who is going away for two months and they wanted to be able to keep up with our worship. Another reason is for all of you who are not in Durango who have been supporting us and following our journey.

I hope you enjoy it and we would love to hear your feedback and response to what we have going on. Soon, we will have things set up so you can subscribe to the podcast through iTunes. For the time being, I've included a link to the website.

It's quite possible that we are the only church in America where you can hear kitchen noises in the background of all our teaching (courtesy of Pickles Restaurant)!

http://web.mac.com/ctkdurango/iWeb/Site/Podcast/Podcast.html

Let it all hang out!

Why is it that the story of many pastors today reads of amazing leadership and dedication and progressive pursuits followed by a catastrophic moral failure that brings it all crashing down over night? Why is it that revealed weakness or real struggle in our spiritual leaders is so shocking and disappointing? Could it be that the church's pursuit of excellence and execution has superceded the values of authenticity and accountability?

Jesus didn't hold it together when he walked into the temple and saw people making money off worship. He didn't act cool when Lazarus was dead. He never pretended it was all good to be crucified. Jesus blew up...he wept...he wondered if there might not be an easier way to do hard things. Jesus' life seems to have been a roller coaster of emotion, improvisation, compassion, empathy, and obedience. I don't read the gospels and see an upward trajectory of increased excellence and execution--I see Jesus responding in the moment every moment. Sometimes he is angry, other times sad or compassionate or abrupt with the truth. He seems to be honest with what he is feeling and experiencing--even if those feelings are not the most effective way to "win people over". He seems to care more about loving people in the midst of life as it happens as opposed to projecting that he is impervious to his surroundings and circumstances.

My greatest hope is that the people in our church understand that my failures often match (and usually immediately follow) my victories. I want them to see that, while I strive to obey God in every moment, how I get there can be sketchy and indirect. I want us to witness and experience a process of transformation as messy and unpredictable as it is God-inspired and beautiful. I understand about disclosure and being appropriate and wise in how we share information. I don't feel compelled to "prove" my brokenness for effect or reaction--I do, however, believe that it is authenticity, more than excellence, that honors God and inspires people. I believe I have done my congregation an incredible disservice if they are shocked to find out that I have real difficiencies and struggles.

I realize that healthy, stable people will probably be turned off by this way of doing business. I suppose in the end I may end up surrounded by only hurting and broken people searching for God in the midst of their complex and unpredictable lives...but I have to ask, is that really such a bad thing?

Going to the Deep End

We have come to an important crossroads in our journey. Part of our process in moving to Durango was to raise enough money for Steve and I (and my family, of course) to live on for about a year. We had several reasons for this. The main reason was to allow ourselves some time to establish this church community at its own pace. We didn't want to equate people showing up with a paycheck. Another reason was that it gave a small group of people an opportunity to partner with us in this project. It has been a beautiful thing to see these people continue to pray for us and support us--for me personally it has helped me not feel so lonely in a new place to have such a great network of friends keeping up with us.

We've come to the place now where we will be able to stretch our financial support for another four or five months. Six months into our work here, some amazing things have happened. We are meeting in a restaurant which has worked well for us--in fact, the owner is thinking of remodeling the area we currently rent to be better suited for our group, opening the door for us to lease it on a more permanent basis (think office space and not hauling equipment every week!). About a third of the people worshipping with us on Sunday nights are locals and they have come to the point where they call CTK their church. One of these women has become involved in our budgeting and marketing and another guy is part of our worship team! We have also grown our small groups to the point where more people are in these groups than show up on Sundays (reflecting our high value on small groups). These are just a few of the exciting things that serve to affirm our decision to come to Durango and now our decision to deepen our commitment.

Jenn and I are in the process of selling our house. We bought it this past summer with the understanding that if we needed to, we could sell it and move to a home we could afford without a mortgage. We figure we can cut our living costs substantially by eliminating the house payment. Jenn is also applying for teaching jobs in the junior highs and high school. A job with the school district would give us much more affordable medical benefits as well as a greater earning potential than I am making working part time at minimum wage. If all this comes together, I will be staying at home with the kids and focusing on pastoring while Jenn teaches. Our goal is basically to be able to live on 25%-50% less than we are now. This would allow us to continue our work with CTK as well as keep to our principles in terms of letting our community grow at its own pace.

I am as confident as ever that we are exactly where we should be and it is exciting to see things developing the way they are. We love Durango just as much as we did six months ago, only now it is more about the precious people God has led to us than the mountains and rivers (even though they are still magnificent!). I am incredibly grateful to all the people who have supported us in this endeavor. Your feedback and friendship have strengthened and encouraged us over the last six months. Steve and I are looking forward to visiting California in May to connect with you all and give a better report of what God is doing here.

Jake is Pulling Through

I visited Jake in the hospital yesterday and he was awake and coherent. I think today they will be moving him from ICU into a regular room for a few days. He doesn't remember anything after eating some pizza about a week ago, but he apparently overdosed on something. Continue to pray for him and that we are able to help care for him and communicate Christ's love for him.

Pray for Jake

Jake is one of our friends at Manna Soup Kitchen. Last week, he apparently overdosed and is now in the hospital on life support. He is improving slowly, but they are still keeping him on a breathing machine and unconscious until his body recouperates. Even though the prognosis is favorable, he is in really bad shape and nothing can be guaranteed. Please pray that he heals quickly and is able to regain his strength once they bring him back to consciousness.

Jake is estranged from his family (who live out of state) and only has a couple friends in town. The thought of this guy dying alone with no one to mourn for him breaks my heart. Pray also that our CTK family can support him now and after he is released from the hospital.

We also long to see Jake come into a relationship with Christ--especially because we don't know all the circumstances surrounding his overdose.

Mission.

There is a school of thought that says the more prepared you are, the more God will bless what you do. There is also a line of thinking that believes God's blessing and involvement in an endeavor can be measured in terms of how few "unpredictables" occur.

I don't buy that for a minute.

No sooner had Jesus humbled himself to the point of being baptized than he was tempted to give up his mission and inheritance for food and earthly riches. At the very point that Jesus' ministry was building on the momentum created by John the Baptist, John got his head cut off. When Jesus was confronting the fact that he was about to give up his life, making his way toward the people who hated him most, his friend Lazarus died. He spent three years falling deeply in love with twelve disciples only to have one of them betray him to the cross. Part of Jesus' human life was dealing with the uncontrolllable, the unexpected, and the junk that happens in life. He endured the temptation after fourty days with no food and water. He had to let John die. Lazarus' sisters were angry because they knew he could have healed Lazarus if he'd been there in time (and he could have been there in time). These things must have been incredibly difficult for Jesus--especially when people who didn't understand his love and mission criticized or abandoned him. Since preparedness and lack of "unpredictables" weren't going to herald God's blessing and direction, there must have been something else that Jesus looked to in measuring the success of his mission.

He definitely had a mission. He was there to sacrifice himself for love of people. He was also there to love people--to be the model of how God feels about his most prized creation. His accomplishment in sacrifice and love would mean redemption of sin and the establishment of his church that would continue his mission to the world. There were some prophecies to be fulfilled and, at times, Jesus seemed to be very directed and intentional--but he talked too much about his obedience to the Father for me to believe that he knew where he was headed every step of the way. I think there were times when he was just going--unwavering in his mission, but not clear on where it would take him at that moment. For me this gives great meaning to his ministry. There is such beauty in his spontaneity with the woman at the well--incredible depth in the time he spends thinking and writing in the dirt with the woman caught in adultery--wonderful intimacy in dealing with the woman who touched his robe as he walked through the crowd. At times, I wonder if Jesus' understanding of his movement toward his mission had more to do with looking back than knowing where he was headed next.

This is, perhaps, the point where I most identify with Christ. To be where we are--doing what we are doing is nothing short of God's direction and mission for us. I could not have devised a plan to move to a little town in the mountains where it snows for months on end. I wouldn't have elected myself as the leader of a tiny community of believers in a church that can barely afford the cost of renting the back room in a restaurant. But I know my mission. I know full well that God has called me to sacrifice myself for his church. I have been raised to shepherd people to places where they can serve the hurt and broken-hearted--sacrificing themsleves on behalf of this great love God has extended to us. I never imagined that answering that call would lead me here, but I can't measure my pursuit of God's leading by making sense of circumstances and I can see things coming on the horizon that will not make sense in conventional terms. I can only assume they are part of God's plan that I cannot see because when I look back on our journey so far, I see some amazing things God has done in the midst of experiences I didn't understand or plan for.

God give me the ability to respond to the path you have chosen the way Jesus did--with spontaneity, depth, thoughtfulness, and intimacy. Make us bold and relentless as we pursue your mission in spite of circumstances.

Moving Forward

This is a big week in the life of CTK Durango. This week (or next week) we are kicking off our new small groups. Each group is different. We have a group of married couples, a group of women, a group of 20-somethings studying Ecclesiastes, and a group that simply describes themselves as sinners! As these groups start up, we will be arriving at something I've been interested to see--we will have more people meeting in small groups than we have attending Sunday services. This is interesting to me. I'm curious to see if the people who don't attend Sundays will start coming or not. Many of the people joining the groups are people who would not necessarily visit a church, but are willing to meet in someone's living room. Personally, as much as I would like to have people showing up on Sundays to worship with us, I my preference is that they be in small groups.

I'm anxious to see how the groups develop. I'm also excited to see what the experience of leading a group will be like for some of the people who are taking a real step of faith to be facilitators. Mostly, I'm looking forward to seeing how God transforms people's lives through the relationships that develop in each of these unique groups. Pray for us!