Prayer Letter

I remember when I was a kid living in South America, we had to send out prayer letters. These letters were designed to let people know what was going on in the mission field. It seems like for my whole childhood we had these letters laying around from other missionaries. I liked them because they often had pictures and the back side was blank which meant I got to draw on them too.

This summer, when the new brochure came out for the rafting company I work for I was pleasantly suprised to see that my mug shows up in their pictures of guides. My first thought was, "this is my prayer letter!" It's a little under cover, but I think it's kind of funny that my prayer letter for the mission I'm on in Durango for the summer is distributed throughout town in various racks for people to pick up at their leisure. So, if you happen to pick one up, pray for me and the time I get to spend with one of my favorite groups of people--raft guides!

The Down Side

I'm discovering that there is a down side to the kind of leader I find in myself. I feel that I have been called to lead in weakness and brokenness those who will not be led by strength and competency. The theory is that there are people who need a leader who has answers--someone who will direct wtih confidence and demonstrate the strength to move forward when no one else can. There are others, however, who have been hurt by over-confident or downright arrogant leadership. These people have experienced pain. They are looking for leaders who will identify with them at the level of their hurt and are suspicious of anyone who seems to have it all together or who has too many easy answers.

The problem with leading out of brokenness is that, sometimes, it is not a philosophical choice of leadership style, but a simple reality of life. I am broken and weak. I have these glaring shortcomings and uncertainties that affect me. I am no scholar. I wish I knew more scripture and spent more time with it. My prayer is often disjointed and scattered and when confronted with these realities, I wonder if I am doing a disservice to the people I have been entrusted to lead. I ask God to send them a new leader--a better one who has some answers--some plan to lead them out of and away from pain.

This is when I come full circle in my thinking. Becoming strong and competent will not make me a better leader to the hurt and broken. It would make me inaccessible and "other". My only option is to lean into Jesus. I have to beg him to reach into the hearts of the people I care so much about. I ask him over and over not to forget them and not to let my weakness keep me from bringing them to his attention.

Maybe, having so little hope in my own ability to compensate for people is not such a bad thing. Maybe, what I need and what I wish for are at odds. I wish that I could be stronger and, therefore, be able to carry the people God has entrusted to me. What I need is to see that these are actually God's people and the reality that I need to trust him to keep and care for them is just that--reality. I wonder if humble and contrite intercession isn't, maybe, the best kind of intercession.

Hmm.